Friday, October 30, 2009
By Bob Urban firstname.lastname@example.org
I remember a time when I visited nearly 30 Coaldale bars on Halloween night. And came away cold sober.
Of course, I was only 12-years-old, and kids back then quickly learned that trick-or-treating in bars proved to be a most lucrative pastime. The patrons would require the tricksters to perform a song or a dance, then we proceeded to pass the hat around the bar, and it usually came back filled with pennies, nickels, dimes, peanuts and candy bars.
Today there's not enough bars remaining in the local towns to make trick-or-treating there worthwhile.
But in case you old tricksters who remember those bygone days are contemplating a little trick-or-treat nostalgia trip tonight here's a few thoughts provided by a loyal reader. He may have stolen them from David Letterman, but I'm not sure.
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask," and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating...
1. You keep having to go home to go to the bathroom.
No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway.